Alberto the dancer

Fotografia " Mario Benedetti" by GORKA LEJARCEGI

The silence is one and then broken by an exclamation, sometimes a happy one, sometimes a disappointed one. The tango “Nostalgias” is playing on the old radio; he is quietly sitting and listening to the lyrics extraordinarily being interpreted by the greatest Roberto Polaco Goyeneche.

I want to sink my heart in wine
to forget a crazy love
that more than love, is suffering…
And that's what I'm here for,
to erase those old kisses
with other lips' kisses.
If her love was short-lived,
why is this cruel obsession
always living in me?
I want to drink for both of us
to forget my passion,
but instead I remember her even more.

Music feeds his soul, transporting him to the past. He just need to close his eyes and let the music magically take him back to the dance place where he use to be one of the best dancers of his time…

Nostalgia
for listening her crazy laughter,
for feeling her fire-like breath
next to my lips…
The agony
of feeling dumped
and thinking that soon another will
talk to her about love…
Brother,
I don't want the humiliation
of begging, crying,
of telling her I can't live without her.
From my sad solitude
I will see the falling of the lifeless roses
of my youth.

His entry into the dance place is always noticed, someone like him can’t be missed: he is tall, well proportioned, dark black hair and green eyes. His hat is strategically positioned so as to give him that “macho” look that every woman loves. Within seconds and almost imperceptibly he scrutinizes the room, looking for her, looking for the one that has stolen his heart. When he notices her, hiding behind her friends, his heart drops, his blood circulation rises and fear takes control.
She broke his heart, she made him believe he was the only one, the man of her life, but that was far from being true. She played with all, put everyone under her dangerous spell but she never commits to anyone… as rumors said her heart was broken too, so now she is taking her revenge.

Whine, bandoneon, your heartbreaking tango
perhaps you also are in pain
for a broken love…
Cry my silly, lonely and
sad soul tonight,
dark, starless night.
If drinks bring relief,
here I am with my sorrow
to drown it at once.
I want to drown my heart with wine
to then make a toast
to my defeated love.

As soon as the tango finishes Alberto returns to the present, stands up and walking slowly joins his friends at the table, they are playing cards, having fun.
He is a seventy-five years old happy man, with three children and eight grandchildren who love him very much. Against their will he moved into the hospice two years ago, when he knew that he could not live on his own any longer. He refused to move in with them, needing to be with people like him, people of his generation with whom he shares similar interests. At the hospice he feels part of something; he found a place where he can give as much as he has received in life. Whenever he sees any of his peers down, Alberto’s mission is to cheer them up. He sings a tango to them while playing an old bandoneon; sometimes he entertains them with his adventures as an international dancer, or takes them for a walk pointing out all the beautiful things on their path. Sometimes he just sits and listens to what they have to say or to their silence… he is there for them and for himself, as he is receiving as much as he is giving!

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

Note: Tango "Nostalgias" - great composition of Argentine musician Juan Carlos Cobian to the poem by Enrique Cadicamo, from the moment of creation (mid 30s) has been an unique expression of a tango

I invite you to listen to the Tango Nostalgias at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU9ZP2pbqyU I’m sure you will enjoy it very much as you will have a taste of Alberto’s favorite tango.

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Moving on

The story continues: 2nd part of Sam are you listening? reading highly recommended at:
http://www.gabrielaabalo.blogspot.com/2009/07/sam-are-you-listening.html

Marissa keeps forcing herself to act as she is peacefully sleeping. Her husband has been behaving very strange lately; he is suffering from insomnia and barely sleeps more than one or two hours per night. When asked, he always says: “It is nothing, I am just stressed with work and meeting month ends, that’s all. Do not make something out of nothing please!”

They have been living like this for almost a year, both of them pretending nothing is happening despite the contrary loud signs. Her husband lost weight, big black shadows cover his eyes and he is losing his hair. She loves him very much and is dying slowly for seeing him deteriorating day after day; the feeling of helplessness has overcome her. How to help, when one is not allowed to do so?

Marissa silently cries while remembering…. By accident one day she came across a love letter in his jacket and then learned that he had an affair. Reading the letter was a harrow, she couldn’t believe it, but it was as real as the paper she was holding on her hands. The lover (Carla) was imploring Sam not to leave her, since his decision to leave and putting their life on hold was for the wrong reasons. She also wrote that was tired of being lonely and begged him to please stay with her as the time they spent together was all she ever cared for. Carla ended the letter saying: “I’m totally committed to our love; I will never forget you and I’ll be waiting for you forever and ever…. no matter what I will never find another one like you”.

Marissa knows she has been a coward, the fear of losing him kept her pretending she did not know; but since then her life has been miserable. She knew that her husband’s principles always prevailed over his heart desires and therefore he will never leave her and the children. At the very beginning she was content with that, but then, as time passed and her husband started fading away the guilt hunted her like a ghost that never gives up.

Now their life is wretched and they are the only ones to be blamed. There are no logical excuses to keep the act on, as their unhappiness is obvious to everybody; even their children can’t pretend any longer not to notice a thing. Their relationship as a couple is very courteous, they do not fight or argue, but also never have a decent conversation… they just go on with life as zombies - walking dead.

She can’t put all the responsibility on her husband for the infidelity, as she is aware that things between them were not right from long before. Without realizing it, their life turned tedious and none of them did anything to change it, so he found adventure and excitement with a lover while she found it in their children. It is sad to accept that they are themselves when apart, because together they fade away. Now she is starting to think that maybe it is time to do something about it, perhaps finding out about Sam’s affair wasn’t bad after all, and maybe this was her chance to do things differently.

She is turning forty next month and is tired of being quiet and compliant, she wants to make her life count and stirring. She wants to be with a man that loves her to the bone instead of being with someone who doesn’t love her the way she deserves it. She knows that she is worth of love as anybody else on this universe, so it is time to break away and move on. She also recognizes that Sam deserves the same, to love and be loved.

Marissa loves her husband with all her heart and because of that she has decided to let him free. Tomorrow she will take Sam for dinner to confront him with their reality; she will talk about his affair, her reasons to be quiet about it, their mutual betrayal and their future.

She is aware that the love of her life can decide to walk away from her and go to Carla, but she is ready to take the risk, after all she loves him so deeply that his happiness and his misery is hers too. She can end up on her own and may never find love again or perhaps she will. Who knows and who cares? All that matters now is that she is ready to do what she feels right for the first time in a very long time….

© 2009 photo: Gabriela Abalo – Author

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