Moving on

The story continues: 2nd part of Sam are you listening? reading highly recommended at:
http://www.gabrielaabalo.blogspot.com/2009/07/sam-are-you-listening.html

Marissa keeps forcing herself to act as she is peacefully sleeping. Her husband has been behaving very strange lately; he is suffering from insomnia and barely sleeps more than one or two hours per night. When asked, he always says: “It is nothing, I am just stressed with work and meeting month ends, that’s all. Do not make something out of nothing please!”

They have been living like this for almost a year, both of them pretending nothing is happening despite the contrary loud signs. Her husband lost weight, big black shadows cover his eyes and he is losing his hair. She loves him very much and is dying slowly for seeing him deteriorating day after day; the feeling of helplessness has overcome her. How to help, when one is not allowed to do so?

Marissa silently cries while remembering…. By accident one day she came across a love letter in his jacket and then learned that he had an affair. Reading the letter was a harrow, she couldn’t believe it, but it was as real as the paper she was holding on her hands. The lover (Carla) was imploring Sam not to leave her, since his decision to leave and putting their life on hold was for the wrong reasons. She also wrote that was tired of being lonely and begged him to please stay with her as the time they spent together was all she ever cared for. Carla ended the letter saying: “I’m totally committed to our love; I will never forget you and I’ll be waiting for you forever and ever…. no matter what I will never find another one like you”.

Marissa knows she has been a coward, the fear of losing him kept her pretending she did not know; but since then her life has been miserable. She knew that her husband’s principles always prevailed over his heart desires and therefore he will never leave her and the children. At the very beginning she was content with that, but then, as time passed and her husband started fading away the guilt hunted her like a ghost that never gives up.

Now their life is wretched and they are the only ones to be blamed. There are no logical excuses to keep the act on, as their unhappiness is obvious to everybody; even their children can’t pretend any longer not to notice a thing. Their relationship as a couple is very courteous, they do not fight or argue, but also never have a decent conversation… they just go on with life as zombies - walking dead.

She can’t put all the responsibility on her husband for the infidelity, as she is aware that things between them were not right from long before. Without realizing it, their life turned tedious and none of them did anything to change it, so he found adventure and excitement with a lover while she found it in their children. It is sad to accept that they are themselves when apart, because together they fade away. Now she is starting to think that maybe it is time to do something about it, perhaps finding out about Sam’s affair wasn’t bad after all, and maybe this was her chance to do things differently.

She is turning forty next month and is tired of being quiet and compliant, she wants to make her life count and stirring. She wants to be with a man that loves her to the bone instead of being with someone who doesn’t love her the way she deserves it. She knows that she is worth of love as anybody else on this universe, so it is time to break away and move on. She also recognizes that Sam deserves the same, to love and be loved.

Marissa loves her husband with all her heart and because of that she has decided to let him free. Tomorrow she will take Sam for dinner to confront him with their reality; she will talk about his affair, her reasons to be quiet about it, their mutual betrayal and their future.

She is aware that the love of her life can decide to walk away from her and go to Carla, but she is ready to take the risk, after all she loves him so deeply that his happiness and his misery is hers too. She can end up on her own and may never find love again or perhaps she will. Who knows and who cares? All that matters now is that she is ready to do what she feels right for the first time in a very long time….

© 2009 photo: Gabriela Abalo – Author

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Who are we fooling?

The other day I read something that changed my day. I was amazed to realize once again the countless diverse ways the Universe use to tell us what we need to hear at the right time. All it is required is to pay attention, be present, open-minded and furthermore ready to laugh at oneself (if needed to).
That day I was down, feeling uneasy, discontent and what was more upsetting was the fact that I couldn’t figure out why. Therefore I decided to amuse myself by going through my emails, focusing on the funny ones as I was in an urgent need of a lift. So I came across the following tale from S. Holmes and Dr. Watson:

Sherlock Homes and Dr. Watson went camping for a few days. On the first night after a very good dinner and a fantastic bottle of wine they wished each other “Goodnight” and went on to sleep on their respective sleeping bags.
Hours later, Holmes awakes and with his elbow calls his friend, while asking:
- Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see
- I see millions of stars
- So, what is that telling you? - asks Holmes
Watson thinks for a minute or so and completely decided to impress his friend with his great deductive skills he answers:
- From an astronomic point of view it indicates that there are millions of galaxies and therefore potentially billions of planets
Astrologically speaking, it indicates that Saturn is in conjunction with Leo
Chronologically I deduct that is approximately 3:15 am
Theologically I can see that God is omnipotent and that we are small and insignificant
Meteorologically I can guess that tomorrow we are going to have a beautiful sunny day

Watson then pauses and asks his friend
- My dear Sherlock, what do you see?
After a short silence Holmes answered:
- Dear Watson you are foolish by the day. Our tent is gone, we have been robed!


I could not stop laughing up and loud for the next ten minutes, I found the joke fantastic and definitely uplifting. After that I was really feeling my usual self once again and therefore I started to think about the whole situation, imagining the two guys lying there on the open; one fully aware of what was going on while the other was lost on his own world.
I couldn’t stop relating this with life and the way we live it. Most of the time we are busy trying to do what is expected or what we had been told to do. Sometimes we know too much about facts, history, sciences, religions, etc but we don’t know about who we are and where are we standing. We put all our efforts on the attainment of success so we can impress our parents, family, friends, neighbors, bosses and any one that is around to notice. But we forget the most important: that the very last person we are impressing is ourselves!
So I toast to all the Sherlock Holmes of our life, the ones that are always there to remind us that we are only fooling ourselves and none else.

© 2009 photo: Gabriela Abalo – Author

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