Reality

©Quino/Ediciones de la flor Buenos Aires

How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all colour-blind?
~Author Unknown

What is reality anyway! It's nothing but a collective hunch.
~Jane Wagner,


Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
~John Lennon

I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!
~Author Unknown

Reality is not always probable, or likely.
~Jorge Luis Borges

If I choose abstraction over reality, it is because I find it the lesser chaos.
~Robert Brault

Reality is too much to take in heapfuls,
but sprinkle it sparingly upon life's path and most can tread it lightly.
~Astrid Alauda

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.
I think it's in my basement... let me go upstairs and check.
~M.C. Escher

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident,
you begin to worry about history.
~Author Unknown

An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation,
nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
~Mahatma Gandhi

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
~Jennifer Yane

Transitions…

The beginning of the end… an unspoken commotion of the self, that is holding, grasping and breathing deeply so as not to fall into desperation. A halfheartedly attempt to clutch myself to the well known paths I am used to walk… while feeling disappointed of my own fears.
Sweating, trembling, hesitating and doubting like a child that is facing the biggest test of her life. The uncontainable need to free myself of the auto-imposed chains that keep me caged and disgruntled.
So many plans and dreams to accomplish! So much stuff to disregard and let off!
It isn’t simple, it isn’t easy…
Sometimes, I want to cry out loud, so the whole world can listen to my apprehension in a desperate attempt to ask for help, to be recognized and then exempted from living a conventional life.

It isn’t simple, it isn’t easy…
To stop playing the game as we all know it
To break free and fly without restraint
To go after a fairy tale
To live life as if there is no tomorrow.
It isn’t simple, it isn’t easy…

I endeavor to embrace the fear that attempts to keep me safe, with the awareness that it is all part and parcel of who I am. I keep reminding myself that it is OK to be afraid, although that I shall not allow the trepidations to overshadow the will of the self.
I wish I could rehearse or rephrase or press rewind every now and then, but reality slaps me on the face, while telling me that there is no such thing as try and error.
Then I’m disturbed by the certainty of the “nothingness”: that there is nothing to lose as nothing is really mine. Nothing is permanent… everything is temporal and prone to change.
Nothing… nothing… nothing is truthfully what it seems to be, as everything is relatively apparent and conditional to something else.

It is simple, it is easy… all I have to do is to let go and just be, taking a step at a time, enjoying the process and freeing myself from the notion of perpetuity.

The beginning of the end… It is simple, it is easy… but it is also freaking intimidating!

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Don't "don't" me!

Don’t you dare put me down!
Don’t even try to tell me I can’t do it!
Don’t attempt to convince me I'm not good enough!
Don’t push me down!

Instead

Do tell me that I can turn every situation into an opportunity
Do show me that willpower and perseverance can take me places
Do have faith that I can make it and that the sky isn’t the limit
Do love me just the way I am…

But if you can’t do as I ask,
then…
Don’t “don’t” me and let me be!


© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Not your punching bag

There are two types of abuse, physical and emotional abuse. Everything can be abused, nature, people, animals, situations, etc, etc. The extent of the damage caused by the abuse varies as it directly depends on how and to whom or what the abuse is inflicted.
Sometimes abuse provokes reactions and triggers positive results, as it forces someone to stand by himself/herself. But more often than not, abuse causes long lasting damages, especially when the abuse is inflicted on defenseless beings (nature, children, animals, etc.).
Abuse is cruel, unkind, mean, heartless, merciless, brutal, nasty, malicious, etc, etc… it leaves deep scars which are not easy to ill or disguise. We often hear or read that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or “we attain the strength we have conquered” or “turn your wounds into wisdom”. But how do you explain that to a child that is being abused by his own parents? How do we stop that child from becoming bitter and resentful?
When one of my brothers was only fourteen he started living on the streets and with friends that gave him temporal shelter, but he did it out of no choice, since he wasn’t welcome anymore in our “home”.
I still remember how he used to be as a child and I can still see his sweet face trying to give me the strength he did not have. I can recall his weak attempts to mend what couldn’t be mended… I still have nightmares about the day that the top of his hand was placed on a hot stove and therefore badly burnt by our stepfather as a punishment for pilfering.
From the time he was physically and emotionally abandoned by our parents, his life started going down the ditch, he was always in trouble with the authorities, usually for stealing or drug consumption. At the time he was supposed to be nurtured by his family he was instead fostered by the streets… then his values and principles got distorted and his self-esteem was shut down by the fact that his very own parents did not consider him worth of love and support.
When he needed them the most, they turned their faces and lives away from him. They were ashamed and hated him for what he was doing to them; they considered themselves the victims and my brother the perpetrator. They never visited him when in prison or offered him any kind of support, as per their beliefs, he was rotten and getting exactly what he deserved.
All I got from him are good and bad memories from our childhood; we did not have the chance to walk into adulthood together as our paths where diverted by our parents’ choices and actions. So today we are complete strangers, despite my early attempts to keep close. Our lives are different, same as our life approach and values. Life events turned him into someone I would rather keep far away from.
I constantly write about choices and the responsibility we hold towards everything that happens to us, or that no one can cause you any harm without your consent. I absolutely still stand for that, but as everything else in life, even this fact has its exception… An adult do always have a choice, but a child does not!
As adults we have the responsibility to tender for our children, to look after them and nurture them with love and care. We can’t use them as a punching bag to release our very own personal frustrations; we can’t wash our hands from their lives as soon as they turn into a bad corner, as if we have nothing to do with it. We are their guardians, role models and masters; they need us to guide them while walking their way from childhood to adulthood.
I keep wondering how my brother’s life could have turned out had our parents been supportive, loving and caring. He had a good heart and was incapable of seeing anyone suffering, especially us; he was our protector and used to take all the blame to save us from our parents’ rage. He was a very intelligent boy and a brilliant student, whose teachers priced constantly and even predicted a bright future for him...
But things did turn out totally different, his good heart was smashed and his bright future destroyed by the abuses he was constantly subjected to. As a child he didn’t have a choice but to believe what he was told: good for nothing and a burden to his parents. He did try to prove them wrong and alleviate the best he could the burden he was, by working in a factory at a tender age and neglecting what he loved the most: his studies.
But it wasn’t enough; nothing he did satisfy our parents’ resentment, so they kept pushing and pushing until they got what they always wanted –rid of him and blaming him for that.
Until today our parents are unable to see the role they played in his life, they keep asking themselves: “What went wrong? He never saw us stealing or consuming drugs; for sure he got all the bad genes from his biological father’s side!”

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

While I’m here!

When I’m gone, all that will be left behind will be memories, great, good and bad memories… but, just memories, kept and told by those remembering me.
The material world I fought so hard to build, upgrade and sustain will become an asset to be distributed among my relatives; some may go to charity while others may be sold to strangers. The minute I breathe my very last gulp of air, all the things I worry about will stop existing. The sorrows that keep me awake for several consecutive nights will vanish; my concerns on how the future will be will evaporate. The past that keeps hunting me down will fade away, my self-esteem issues will become nonsense, my insecurities and fears will dwindle as I become a collection of memories kept and told by others…

When I’m gone there will be no more opportunities waiting for me to take a risk, there will be no more chances to reinvent myself, there will be no time for regrets.
When I’m gone I will only be a tale being told every now and then. I will have no control over what will be remembered of me, or the way the anecdote is told. I can be remembered for how much or little I used to possess, the family and friends I left behind, how many languages and cultures I used to know, how short or tall I was. Some may probably remember my travels around the world and the great tales I used to tell. While others will chose to remember my attitude towards life and how much fun or not I used to be.
But, how much does all that really matter, if I will be gone and I will only be a memory in the mind of those who knew me?

When I’m gone I will only be a thought, a memory or a spark of light into someone life just for a while!
Should this bother me? Should I live my life pursuing materialism and power? Should I let the past spoil my life or the future distract me from living?
What is real and what is not?

Greed, supremacy, the past and the future are the demons that keep me away from who I really should be. They are the mirages that keep me unconscious and prisoner of an unreal world, in the belief that I can finally achieve immortality.

I want the freedom of the self back! I have to repossess what is really mine, I have to conquer captivity and grow to be adventurous, risk taker, tender, independent, rebel and crazy in love with life…

Then I come across the irony of it all, that despite my anger and anguish I’m the sole creator of the demons governing my life… I’m the one holding the key that unlocks my self-imposed imprisonment. I’m the one and only… yes I’m.

So... while I’m here I must do something, I should smash into pieces my own barriers, I must disregard the fears holding me back.
I have to stop behaving as if living is only breathing; I ought to stop living in such a limited way!

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Short vacation

I’m off to Ethiopia to discover the land of Lalibela, famous for its 12th century, rock-hewn churches.

While I’m away, I invite you to travel through my blog and discover my older posts.

Some recommendations:

Tomas the graveyard keeper

Who are we fooling?

Keeping the act

A walk in the wild

In the name of God



See you next week!!


loveNlight

Gabi

I'm back!!! you are more than welcome to look at some of my pics from the trip:

Nature

Religion & People

A bit of everything

Enjoy!!!

Choice and Human Nature

Choices, choices and more choices, life is full of them…. getting married or divorced, changing houses or countries, starting a new job or leaving one, becoming a parent or staying childless. Forgiving someone or staying bitter, going after a dream or saying no to an opportunity. Starting a new healthy life style or becoming an addict. Keeping the same job forever, staying in an unhappy relationship, shouting at your neighbor, refusing to see your reflection in the mirror, etc, etc.

Everything we do or don’t imply a choice, by acting or not acting we are still making a choice. Every choice brings change and every change gives birth to something new in us. We are choosing all the time. Choices are made consciously or unconsciously, whatever the way, we still make a choice. We can’t avoid making a choice, the simple fact of not making one is still indeed a choice - because we are choosing not to choose… So there is no escape and none to point fingers at, whether we like it or not we are ultimately responsible for everything that happens to us. There is no choice about that - it simply is as simple as that!
Then, why are we so afraid of change? Why are we so stubborn on keeping safe? Why do we pretend nothing changes? Why we blame others for our own doings? Why do we act as if we don’t have a choice?

Such is our human nature!

When the time to face change arrives, we tend to get paralyzed and unresponsive. We have the feeling of standing at the border of the precipice, unsure of the end result. We don’t know if we are going to fall or not, if we are going to be strong enough or if we will be defeated.
Change is something we can’t control, it is happening whether we like it or not. The time for regrets or lamentations are over, there is nothing we can do to change what it is. There is nowhere to hide or run away to, what is happening is happening and that is it.
This is a critical moment, since our next step will determine the course of the change, if it will be a positive or a negative one, something to grow out of, or something to crash us down… It is all a matter of attitude, choice and action, the wheels of change are in motion and nothing can stop them.
Sitting still while hoping for a miracle will not sort things out or make them disappear, so probably the smartest thing to do, will be to embrace the change and make the most of it. Sounds crazy and poetic, but in reality this is the only way to go.

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Mondays

It is Monday again!!
Monday here you are full of choices and power…
for me to decide what to do with you.
Here you are, please don’t go away so fast or too slow,
allow me to enjoy you.
Monday, I love Mondays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays,
but also I love Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays…
and there again Monday comes again.

Please don’t go away!

loveNlight
Gabi

Why doesn’t she love me?

“Hi, I’m back!” she said looking at Annie’s face with relief. The lack of answer didn’t bother her at all, and without an invitation, she sat at the edge of the stone and then resumes the conversation.
“She kicked me out of the house again, this is the third time she’s done that” - she pauses and after taking a deep breath continues saying - “I don’t know what to do, I’m tired of fighting! I don’t know how long I will be able to stay strong…” the tone of her voice reveals the emotional distress she is going through.
A warm and tender breeze kisses her cheek and hair as if trying to ease her sorrows. The silence is only broken by the birds singing from a nearby cypress tree. Looking directly into Annie’s eyes, she asks - “Why does she hate me so much? Why can’t she love me the same way she loves my brothers? What did I do wrong?” - with anger she fights the tears trying to show up on her face, as crying is not permitted on a strong girl like her.
“Yesterday, despite the rain and the cold she locked me out of the house and probably got soundly asleep in a few minutes, with no concern for my well-being. I heard one of my brothers trying to plead with her, but then gave up as he was almost shown the way out too. After an hour of crying out and kicking the door with no results I headed to Tory’s house, she always offers me shelter. But you have to see her face, she can’t hide the compassion she feels for me….” - Her brown eyes can’t disguise the sadness apprehending her, which contradicts the hard expression of her face. Her eyes are the window to her soul while her face is a well learned masquerade to conceal her real feelings.
She is only fourteen but looks older than she really is, years of suffering and emotional abuses have made a dent in her. She is being considered a wild and aggressive child by her schoolmates and teachers, making it so difficult for her to have any friends. Loneliness is her only companion, but sometimes the aloneness becomes too heavy to abide, so she comes to see Annie and the others for companionship and conversation. They always listen and never charge or criticize her, but she misses some kind of advice or guidance from them, after all, they have lived longer and had more experience. She knows there is nothing she can do to halt their unbreakable silence, but she is consoled but the inner knowledge that they listen and care.
“Today, Tory told me that my mother can’t continue doing this to me, that she is breaking the law and that the authorities can take me away from her. She wants to report her, so my mother can start taking better care of me. I begged her not to do it, because I’m afraid I may be sent to an orphanage… You know, my mom keeps telling me she will do it and I believe her.” She pauses and takes a deep breath in, as if trying to grow bigger and stronger. She doesn’t want to start crying, if she does, then she may never be able to stop, so she keeps breathing deep until the urge to cry is fully controlled.
After a while she speaks again, “Tory felt sorry for me so she promised not to do it this time, but she will if my mother does it again. The problem is that I know I will be kicked out again; any mistake will be used by my mother as a pretext to fight me, she will not stop until I’m gone… She did the same to my older brother, she kicked him out of the house when he was just thirteen, and never allowed him to come back.
I have nowhere to go, if she kicks me out again I will have to sleep by the door, despite the weather conditions and the time I have to spend outside. That will be the only way to fight her back, she will have to take me in sooner or later, as she will not want the neighbors to tell my stepfather what she is doing to me…” she looks around and after a short silence she asks: “Annie, did your mother love you or was she like mine? Aren’t mothers supposed to care and tender for their children? Why doesn’t she love me? I really want to know…” – as expected she doesn’t get any answer, but that doesn’t bother her as she is feeling better. Being able to talk about her troubles really eases her sorrow.
She keeps looking at Annie’s face, as if searching for answers, then she says - “Ok, is getting late, I must start heading back to hell. Today my stepfather is getting back home, so my mother will pretend this never happened, instead she will complain about how much she had to do and how unhelpful and disobedient I am. After all, this is part of her master plan to get rid of me one day!” - Saying that, she slowly began to rise up from the stone that she was sitting on, she then bends so as to be able to reach Annie’s picture and kiss her goodbye. “Annie, do you think she will ever love me or care for me?”
She doesn’t wait for an answer, once again she breaths in deeply and slowly, filling herself with strength and willpower, the one she will need to face her mother’s rage. Then with determination she starts walking away from Annie’s grave and the ones around her, until she gets out of the cemetery.
………
Over twenty years have passed, and I still remember my afternoons at the local graveyard, the only place I used to feel at home. During that time I seriously contemplated the idea of joining my dead friends as an easy way to escape, but I guess my warrior spirit keep me from doing it.
I was told so many times and even read in many books that the people that harm us the most are the ones that teach us the most too. I believe that is true but sometimes it is still hard to digest, especially if the people who hurt you are your closest relatives.
From a physical level, I still feel the pain and the emotional abandonment, while the same question still bothers me sometimes: “Why doesn’t she love me?”
From a spiritual level I do appreciate the teachings that help me to become who I’m today, the challenge was rough but I had managed. Today I’m free and full of love, I have learnt to love myself just the way I am and to love the rest of the world the same way, just the way they are… including her!

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Sunrise

To feel life and to live life in its totality
and to live it with such passion and intensity
that each moment becomes a moment of eternity.

Sunrise - Rio de la Plata - Montevideo, Uruguay
5th March 2010

Awful in between

Butterflies in my tummy, anxiety, apprehension

Concern for not knowing what to expect

A perfect happy world shacked by the unknown,

Priorities, realities, dreams and plans put on hold



A life on pause waiting for the answer…

Rage and hope fighting to reign,

Logic and uneasiness guessing the possible answer,

Ego and soul arguing on commonsense



Only knowledge will put at rest the discomfort, will end the test,

Will give the chance to take a step

Lost in that awful in between, of not knowing what is going to be…



A cry of anger that keep asking: Why me?

A content soul accepting what it could be

Lost in that awful in between,

From which only the answer can rescue me!



Lousy melodramatic thoughts, striking now and then

A persistent fight to silent them all

A deep and raspy howl for help



Then…. silence and acknowledgment

As I find contentment in that awful in-between





© 2010 Gabriela Abalo


I'm linking this old poem to Monday-Poetry-Potluck

Assuming and missing out

“The tree looks great, it is located in a perfect spot, by the river bank where lots of animals habitually come to drink water” – I say to myself with conviction. “Look at those branches, they are just perfect, not too high not to low, and wide enough to hold all the weight!” – I completed with anticipation.

“But where is it? Why is it not resting on the tree after having a succulent antelope for dinner? Maybe it is hiding in another tree and having a good laugh at me?” - I said with irritation. Then I immediately started to scrutinize all the trees in the river bank, convinced that I was going to find the leopard in one of them. I knew I couldn’t be wrong since I was thinking like a leopard and have no doubt that this was the place an astute, dangerous and successful leopard will choose.

Two hours passed by, then five hours passed by and no leopard to be seen close by… I could not understand what went wrong; I have taken all the facts into consideration, thinking and behaving like one. “So where is the damn leopard?” – I hastily exclaimed.

Feeling very let down I started the car and began to head back to the Lodge, still refusing to accept that I spent my day looking in the wrong places. But just a mile away from the Lodge, I spotted the sneaky leopard resting under the thick shadow of an acacia tree by the main trail. Without believing my eyes, I rushed toward the place and without thinking twice stopped the car and in anger said: “I was looking all over for you! You wasted my whole day because you decided to rest in the wrong place!”
“Who says this is the wrong place?” Replied the leopard, completely ignoring my fury and without moving an inch.

“Well, if I were a leopard I would have chosen to lay down under a nice tree by the river bank, with a perfect view of the animals that come down to drink, so I could carefully select the one I will be having for dinner. The place will be concealed enough, so very few smart tourists can find me and disturb me with their annoying will to take pictures of me. Believe me when I say that you are a disappointment as a leopard… you are having a siesta a mile away from the place full of tourists searching for you. No wonder I couldn’t find you!” – I ended saying with my best sarcastic tone

The leopard raises its head and with a strange glow in its eyes says: “You believe you know better than a leopard, because you try to wear my skin and walk in my paws; therefore you’re convinced a leopard must be as you assumed it has to be, based on your perception of what a leopard should be. But that is still your own way of seeing things, so don’t get the idea that most things are the way you see them. Laying here seems a very smart leopards’ idea, so far many humans have passed by my side without noticing me…. just like you, they all assumed they were leopards”

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Is victory always worthy?

There are times in our life when victory is at our finger’s tips, ready for us to claim the prize, but then we freely choose not to be the winners. Those are the moments when we realize that winning isn’t everything in life if the prize to be paid implies tearing down someone else. Because when we do so, victory doesn’t taste the same and our heart cries while our ego celebrates.
The quandary lies in the fact that we tend to naturally turn every disagreement into a personal fight, where both parties battle with nails and teeth to prevail over. This approach triggers reactions instead of actions, because its ultimate goal is to conquer and defeat. In the aftermath of the combat the winner takes it all while the looser goes down on his knees, crashed and resentful. The harsh words spoken during the battle only leave crawling broken hearts on the battlefield of relationships. Mending the damage caused isn’t easy at all; even the winner has been wounded and his/her victory has a bitter taste that takes away every possible unresentful joy.
Choosing not to win even when victory is probable is not done out of compassion or foolishness but out of something way beyond the need to win. We must be brave as we need to shutdown the fear of not knowing what will unfold. We need to detach ourselves from the idea of loosing or winning and instead look at the bigger picture with an open heart. And last but not least we need a bit of craziness as it means going against what logic tell us to do. All this shall be done with the understanding that not winning is not loosing since both parties at the end are benefiting from this selfless action. Doing so brings an opportunity to experience the magic of unconditional love and its blessings when applied well.
When disagreements are handled with mutual respect and love, all parties involved blossom with positive changes. When the goal is to come to a common understanding there is no need to fight as the need to prevail is not there.
So, next time when you find yourself involved in a disagreement, ask yourself: “Am I fighting to reign and prove a point? What’s driving me, my heart or my ego?” Let you heart guide you and wear your challenger’s shoes, and then if you are in it to prevail and please your ego, do something out of the ordinary: agree to disagree and let it be.
Can you manage that?

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

Disappointed

I complained about my job day after day, but did nothing to make it interesting or look for a new one.
I complained about my shape and size, but I didn’t eat healthier nor did any exercise.
I complained about not having enough money to do everything I wished for, but did nothing to do what I could, with what I got.
I complained about my friends, but didn’t try to love them they same way they loved me nor did I try to nourish our friendship.
I complained about you and me, but did nothing to appreciate what we had.

I complained about so many things, but did nothing else than just complain about everything

Now I’m complaining for complaining and doing nothing else than complain…

I’m depressed, jobless, loveless, moneyless and weightless!

I lost weight and changed my shape, not because I’m eating better or doing any exercise, but because I have little to eat and have to walk most of the time.
Money is still a problem, but now is a bigger one, without the job I can’t even complain about doing nothing with the little I used to have… since even that little is gone.

My love is gone, my job is gone and my money is gone… Damn, I never thought I could miss them that much!

Now I’m complaining for complaining and doing nothing else than complain…

But the most disappointing of all, is that I can’t even complain, as I know that for complaining too much I’m where I’m!


© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Moments

He notices her as soon as he enters the room, she is standing right and tall, looking straight into his eyes. In a matter of milliseconds a cold sweat covers his entire body, the awareness that there is no escape and no turning back overwhelms him.
There is no need for introductions, a look into her blue eyes is more than enough to get the answers to the questions he may have. Contrary to what he could have expected he is not afraid; she is completely different from what he has imagined. With acknowledgment Jonas leads himself to the armchair close to the window and seats. He is aware that he is failing to hide the sadness overwhelming him, so making a humongous effort he attempts a smile while raising his head to face her.

It is late for any type of regrets, there will be no more performances… his act is over. . Jonas can’t say he wasn’t expecting it, but despite the knowledge he stills had hope that maybe he had more time in his hands…. “I guess I was wrong” he says to himself.

Smiling, she slowly starts walking towards him, the halo surrounding her illuminates her way, fading all possible fears.
Jonas sees her coming to him and unconsciously starts reciting his mantra:

Moments that come and pass,
moments that will never be back.

Touching, heartrending, agonizing moments
Faithful, wonderful, graceful moments
Aggressive, emotive, apprehensive moments
Lively, lovely, joyfully moments
…
Each moment counts,
Each moment is an opportunity
Each moment could be the very last

Moments to be lived to the fullest,
with passion, enthusiasm and greatness

Moments that come and pass,
moments that will never be back.

Moments, that is all it is…

That is the poem he wrote three years ago, after receiving the news. Every morning he recited it after opening his eyes, every night he has recited it before closing his eyes, every day he made sure not to forget to live by it. It was his way of reminding himself to enjoy the simple things of life, to enjoy each and every moment no matter what… It was his life anthem!

She is getting closer and closer…

Jonas flashes back to the past… He was told he was going to die, that what he has did not have any treatment or cure, it was a question of months… maximum a year. As soon as he heard the news a new energy overtook him, it was his willpower (the one he has lost long ago), he wanted to live, he wanted to be happy and he wasn’t going to allow this problem to spoil the rest of his life, even if all what was left were two days. If he was going to kick the bucket he was going to do it while living life without any auto imposed restraint.

All he knew was that it could happen any time, so all he could do was to make sure that every moment of his life was worth living. He wasn’t going to start jumping from airplanes, nor go crocodile hunting, or saying I love you to everybody crossing his path (especially if it wasn’t true). His approach was different, all he wanted to do is to be fully present allowing himself to enjoy each moment as if it was his very last.

Since then, he allowed himself to feel and express each feeling with passion and enthusiasm; so if he has to cry, laugh, hate, love, be sad, happy, discontent or content with whatever moment he was facing he did it with joy. None could believe he was dying, his authentic well-being took everybody by surprise, none expected him to misbehave.
But Jonas couldn’t care less to explain, he was enjoying his life more than ever, somehow he was convinced that the diagnosis was a blessing in disguise, it brought awareness to him while reminding him that he wasn’t immortal.
It took some time for his family and friends to understand and join him on his joy for life, but they finally understood that he wasn’t giving up, on the contrary we was making the most of his moment and sharing it with all of them.

"After all, each moment counts, each moment is an opportunity, each moment could be the very last for any of us… and this is definitely my very last!" – Jonas says with a smile, while peacefully closing his eyes.

Death reaches him and gently bends to kiss him an eternal goodbye…

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

Each moment is a place you've never been.
~Mark Strand

The Paradox of Fear

Opportunities are what we make out of the circumstances surrounding us; they don’t come into our life broadcast on flashing billboards, we have to create them. At this very moment our life is full of opportunities, all we have to do is to take the chance and go for them, without looking back.
We tend to hesitate whenever a new door opens in front of us, presenting the chance to try something different. The fear of the unknown freezes us; just the thought of leaving our comfort-zone blocks our nature and immediately switches the “security button” to protect us from any collateral damages. Our very well trained brain raises all the possible alarms we can imagine, and immediately starts telling us: “You don’t stand a chance, this is not for you! You must be crazy if you are thinking on risking everything to follow a dream! What if you lose everything?”
These thoughts and many others populate our mind, convincing ourselves that we are better off doing what we already know than trying something else. We keep reminding ourselves that we can’t afford to daydream, losing the perspective and taking a chance of doing something that is not worth the risk. As a result we choose to keep walking through the paths we already know, the ones that don’t scare us or threaten our self-esteem, even if that means living in discontent.
Naturally we are inclined to believe that things will not work out, paradoxically it will take the same amount of energy and faith to believe the opposite, but instead we choose to trust our fear.
How can we accomplish the realization of the self if we are followers of fear?
Fear blocks our possibilities of becoming who we can be, since we allow it to grow bigger than our faith in ourselves. How can we do that to ourselves? How can we allow that False Evidence Appearing Real to take over and decide who we are?
Isn’t transformation the foundation of our own existence? Can we transform without embracing risk and change?
To be alive is to be fully present in the now, aware of the chances we are holding in our hands and acting on them. To be alive is to dream, believe, transform, experiment, love, to have faith as well as doubts, it is also to be afraid and above all to find the balance in between all of them.
Experiencing fear is a reminder that we are alive, fear should be embrace and let it be, we need to feel it and face it, but we do also need to have faith in ourselves and the courage to transform.

“There is much in the world to make us afraid.
There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid.”
~Frederick W. Cropp

Today, now, exactly at this moment do something you have been postponing for a long time. Don’t be afraid of making a mistake or failing, just follow you heart, listen to it and let things be; bear in mind that failing doing something we love is much more worthy than succeeding in something we hate.
Today, now, exactly at this moment tell your comfort-zone: “I’m leaving…”

“Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...
initially scared me to death”
~Betty Bender

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

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Ten things that make me happy

"If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day."
~W. Beran Wolfe

I have been tagged and asked to make a list of the ten (10) things that make me happy. I’m glad I have been asked to do so, as it gave me the chance to really look and distinguish in between the things that really make me happy and the ones that are not that meaningful.
So, I let my heart do the talking, my hands do the writing and my soul to do the observations. After thoughtful deliberations the ten things that make me happy were spelled out and written down.

1.Teaching Yoga: each class is a journey, each student is different, some are very flexible but not strong, others are strong but not flexible, while others are both or none. Some get frustrated, some embrace the challenge, some struggle but keep trying and others give up. But at the end of each class we all have the same peaceful and content face, a perfect portray of how we feel when a quiet balance has been achieved.

2. Writing: I ponder about everything; I’m a seeker, an observer, an investigator, a risk-taker, a moderator, communicator, provocative and a passionate person. Writing is my way to convey all that and more. I’m very happy and thankful every time I get comments in my blog or someone is willing to talk about some of my posts.

3. Love: being in love and making love without boundaries and reservations.

4. Being me: living life to the fullest, knowing that I’m special in my very own way, expressing who I am without uncertainties or fears. Trying not to take life for granted and ensuring that this is my chance to become who I want to be, while respecting that others have the same right too.

5. Family and friends: for loving me just the way I am

6. Photography: rediscovering the magic and beauty of the unseen world, bringing to light the unnoticed, paying attention to the details, appreciating the whole universe. Recognizing that everything is unique and special in its very inimitable/unusual way.

7. Conversing: having a great tête-à-tête with a good glass of wine with anyone that is up for it.

8. Reading: Reading takes you to places, opens your mind, feeds the soul, liberates the spirit and broaden our choices. Each book or written text is unique, each of them introduces us to different worlds, ideas, realities, cultures, adventures, passions, miseries, etc. I have been reading books since I was eight years old, books have been, and still are my best teachers.

9. Traveling: knowing and experiencing different countries, races, traditions, languages, religions and realities are one of my biggest passions in life. Traveling is like reading a book, with the bonus that one is one of the main characters in it.

10. Flowers: I do believe that flowers have feelings, and that those feelings extend to the human beings who tend them. Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light.

Those are some of the things that make me happy. What about you? What rocks your life?

I’m tagging you! Yes, you, the one reading this post, the one that is right now pondering about what really makes you happy. So, take a few minutes, write them down and promise yourself to enjoy at least one of them once a day…

I would love to know what makes you happy.

loveNlight
Gabi

When did we become strangers?

I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, as if trying to get an answer that will somehow ease my unsettledness. As time passes by, the sense of uncertainty, discomfort and detachment keep hunting me down, taking control and suffocating me.
Today, I didn’t go to the local pub as I usually do, I’m tired of pretending I’m having the time of my life, when the reality is that it sucks. So, here I’m, sitting on a bench at the square located two blocks away from “our home”, while attempting to kill some time before heading back to our house.
At the pub we all act as if we are there by choice. We watch the news, drink some beers, and smoke a few cigarettes while laughing to some dull jokes. A sad attempt to disguise what really is keeping us there. We all have families to go to, but none wants to do so, as many do not feel welcome any more. By unspoken understanding we don’t discuss our feelings, instead we talked generalities and pretend to be having the time of our life. Then after an hour or two one by one starts heading back to their quarters - which very few can still call home – the parade is over, it’s time to get back to reality…
So, here I am asking myself once again: Where is the woman I married? When did we become strangers? What happened to us? Do you still love me? I want to ask you all these and a hundred more questions, but I can’t do so… You don’t have time for me anymore. When I wake up in the mornings you are already running around the house, getting the children ready for school, shouting and complaining while trying to stop their fights. My presence at the breakfast table goes unnoticed, except for the times when something is broken, or you need some extra money to pay an unexpected bill. You are so busy with the house and the children that you hardly notice I left for work.
Getting back home has no resemblance with what it used to be before the children were born. You do not light candles and fill the bathtub anymore, or dress up to wait for me, or cook a special dinner, or drag me into the sofa so I can sit to listen to your dreams, adventures or the book you were reading.
I miss very much the way we used to laugh, hug, share dreams and life. I miss us!
Here, sitting all by myself, while indifferently watching people passing by, I ask myself once again: When did we become strangers? Was it something I did? What can I do to have our romance back?
The day I married you I knew you were the woman of my dreams, my soul mate, my everything. I pictured our life together, as a couple, sharing the chores, the children, the ups and downs of life. But, I never anticipated we were to end up like this: two strangers sharing the table and the bed…
You don’t know me anymore; you stopped asking me about my work, my dreams and my feelings. You also stopped calling me at work, just to tell me how much you miss me and that you wanted me with you.
What has happened to you? Why did you give up on yourself and therefore on us? You hate your body and hide it from me, ashamed of your stretch marks, your fatty and fluffy tummy and the wrinkles around your eyes. You don’t believe me when I say that I love you just the way you are. That love is more than physical appearance or finding someone to go to bed with. Love is to wake up every morning with the same person and falling in love again despite the imperfections. I hope you believe me when I said: “You are beautiful because I love you” I wish that was more than enough for you…
Whenever I try to start a conversation your reaction is always the same, you either look at me suspiciously and on guard -as if I was the carrier of very bad news - or you just tell me flat and plain: “I’m too busy and tired to discuss nonsense”.
If you just knew how much I wish to come home and find you and the children happily waiting for me. But instead, all I find is them hiding from me and the punishment you promised them from me for not being good. As for you, well… either you are too busy to even notice I’m home or you rush to me to complain about everything. So, I do what everybody is expecting me to do: sit on the sofa, remove my shoes, get the remote control and watch the news until dinner is served.
During dinner the children fight and you shout at them at the top of your lungs: “Stop fighting, I’m sick and tired of all of you” and then you turn and look at me in disbelief while saying: “Aren’t you going to do something? You are their father; you must put control and discipline!” Those are the times when I also want to shout back: “I’m also sick and tired of all this crap!” But instead I zip my mouth, put my head down and let you believe you are right.
At that moment I hate you, not for what you are, but for what I’m when I’m with you…
I don’t know how much longer I will be able to cope with this and which is the way out. Shall I keep drinking at the bar? Shall I find a lover that makes me feel the way you used to make me feel? Or shall I confront you and open up?
With these thoughts in his mind he begins to head back “home”… Counting his steps and breathing slowly, in a desperate last attempt to freeze time.

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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Pondering about

And here I was worrying about which dress will I wear tonight, till I read the news!

The New Slave Trade in South Africa: an article exposing one of the many samples of human trafficking happening around us. Thousands of HIV’s orphans are being forced by poverty and lack of social security to leave school in search of some kind of work that allows them sustaining themselves and their siblings. These children are being sold as sexual slaves against their will and therefore forced to work the streets and exposed to all type of psychological and physical abuse. Many of them never see a Tomorrow! (source Yahoo News)



Some see racist theme in alien adventure 'Avatar': the main complaint is: “Why does it always have to be a white person saving the world?” Apparently people are not happy with the movie because the main character was played by a white actor, insisting that the message could have been stronger if it was played by a black actor instead. To be honest the last thing I noticed was the color of the actor! And there I was thinking that the movie was great as it tackles several controversial issues being faced by humanity today, like: capitalism, pitiable moral values, racism, and destruction of nature (I really cried when the big tree was shot down). (source Yahoo News)


Woman arrested for throwing her baby into the garbage container: an NGO Social Worker gave birth on a toilet, and then put the baby on a plastic bag and through it to the garbage container. The body was discovered by one homeless that was searching for food on the containers. The “very well educated” social worker didn’t show any sign of regret or remorse for what she did. (source diario El Pais - Uruguay)


Immigrants run away after violent “hunting” in Rosarno: Around 1,300 immigrants have to run away from an Italian province, as they were being hunted down for protesting against exploitation and unfair labour conditions. 65 of them were wounded during the clashes and many will be deported to their country of origin. (source diario El Pais - Uruguay)


Swiss vote to ban new mosque minarets: Voters in Switzerland have approved a proposal to ban the construction of minarets on mosques, according to results of a referendum held Sunday. The nationalist Swiss People's Party, the largest party in parliament, had pushed for the national vote after labeling the mosque towers as symbols of militant Islam.
Walter Wobmann, president of a committee that backed the initiative, said its aim is not to stop people from practicing their religion, but to stop political Islam and the "further Islamization of Switzerland."
Supporters of the ban claim that allowing minarets would represent the growth of an ideology and the Islamic legal system Shariah, which they claim are incompatible with Swiss democracy.
Amnesty International, though, has warned that such a ban would violate Switzerland's commitment to religious freedom. (extracted from CBS News)


Church attacks in Malaysia deepen racial tension: Christian churches are being targeted by Muslim’s groups. The ministry said the attacks were perpetrated by extremists who wanted to weaken the country's commitment to racial harmony, one of the key draws for foreign investors. "These were not just attacks on houses of worship, they were attacks on the values and freedoms all Malaysians share," the statement said. The attacks were triggered by a Dec. 31 High Court decision that overturned a government ban on the use of "Allah" by Roman Catholics in the Malay-language edition of their main newspaper, the Herald. The ban and the ruling also apply to Malay-language Bibles, 10,000 copies of which were recently seized by authorities because they translated God as Allah. (source Yahoo News)

Marconi, the most unsecured township of Montevideo: a not go place even for the police at night. Total lack of public security. Delivery services are being arranged outside the townships so as to avoid the dangerous areas. Police suggest creating a permanent police station to bring security back to the place. But there is nothing about how to resolve the social-economic problem causing Marconi to be a no go town. (source diario El Pais Uruguay)

……………

It doesn’t matter to which country’s newspaper we look at, the news will still be alike, with different actors and different settings, but the root of the issues will still be the same: disproportion, poverty, discrimination, materialism, analphabetism, egocentricity, intolerance, etc.
The distressing part of all this, is that despite our knowledge on what is going on and what is causing it, nothing really changes. If we stop reading news papers and/or watching the news for two months or more, the only thing that will change will be the date of the day.
After reading the news I couldn’t help it but wonder: “What is going on? Where are we going? How can we find a solution that brings harmony and reconciles the differences, that helps us to remember that we are all and one and act accordingly? Something that helps us look at each other as equals instead of looking down at anyone who tries to be different.
How are we supposed to live a decent and kindhearted life while we are so conscious of the horrors, the injustices and the darkness of humankind? Maybe the answer lies on the fact that we need to accept to live our life in the center of this absurdity and discrepancy, because they are part of who we are and life would crumple without them. The contradictions and the absurdities help us to realize who we want to be. There are no right answers to this dilemma and all what is required from us is a life lived in consciousness of its human quality and spiritual significance.

“Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of humankind.
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of people.
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.”
Bertrand Russell

I’m still pondering on the news and our knowledge on its causes, I’m still pondering on what you and I can do!

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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Everybody’s business

“She is gone… She left… She is with another man…” That is what rumors said…

But are they true? Who knows?

Her husband is looking desperate and destroyed; he is puzzled and is crying all the time. Everybody around is feeling sorry for him and the children. He is saying that she left because she is not in love with him anymore, that she is confused and needs time on her own. But, that is only his version as nobody knows hers.
“How could she do something like that? She is a bad woman, a very selfish one! How could she leave her children? A mother should never do that!”

Everybody knows better than everybody else. They do not have a clue of what is really going on, but they believe they do. So, they spend hours discussing, arguing and judging, convinced that they have a right to do so, as if it is everybody else's business to question someone else's life.
Some feel offended as she went without saying goodbye and/or explaining herself to them. The speculations are many, enough to write a book. But, are they true?
Some did contact her through email, facebook and the chat, but she is not explaining herself to them… “How could she do something like that? They are her friends, they do care and they want the best for her!"

But, is that true?”

“She does not love him! She is bored with her life and only wants to have fun; hence her family is a hassle to her. That’s why she left!” One of them says with conviction while they others nod in agreement.
They are upset with her for taking a step without consulting with them first. That is not how it is supposed to be done. How could she think only of her happiness? Once you are a wife and a mother, you should forget about yourself as they are your life and nothing else should really matter.

But, is that true?

“She is back! She realized she made a mistake, because her place is with her family” says someone.
“She could not get a job and a good life, like the one she had with her husband, that’s why she is back” another says.
“Have you seen her husband? He is looking so happy to have her back; he has forgiven her for going away. He does not realize she is using him” says some else.
Once again the rumors go through the small town, from mouth to mouth, from house to house, from place to place…

But, are they true? Who knows! Only she knows…

Nevertheless, what disturbed them all is that she is not explaining herself despite all their efforts to really know.
When asked, her answer is always the same: “Why do you want to know?” and with a mysterious smile she keeps looking at them right into their eyes…. as if she has nothing to hide.

© 2010 Gabriela Abalo – Author


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Thank U!

Thank very much to all of you for the strong support and encouragement during 2009. I will resume my postings next Wednesday 6th of January 2010. I’m on my way to the bush to celebrate the New Year’s festivities with a full moon and the hippos of the Zambezi River.

Wish you all a wonderful and prosperous 2010!

loveNlight

Gabi

Help and its implications

More often than not when helping someone we do set expectations and then end up feeling betrayed and disappointed as the end result did not work as anticipated by us. But in spite of the disillusionment we keep aiding with the hope that one day that person will turn into the one we have pictured. Unconsciously we take ownership of his/her situation with the conviction that we know better, leaving him/her with very little room to take responsibility and make his/her own choices. Therefore we end up engaging in a codependent relationship, a mixture of hate and love, gratitude and ungratefulness, expectations and disappointments, breakups and starting over, forgiveness and resentment. Both parties are unhappy: the one asking for help feels suffocated by the conditional aid while the one helping feels used and unappreciated.
As time passes by the one being helped starts to demand for the aid, considering it his/her right to be helped, given that we have been always there to rescue him/her from the fire. But then, the sense of obligation and umbrage has already taken its toll on the helping hand, resulting on a strong unwillingness to keep supporting the unthankful one. It is then when people start to question the implications of helping others.

Helping does not necessary entails taking responsibility for others problems and solving them on their behalf, as we are then taking away their chance to experience and to grow from the situation they are facing. Helping is about being there to assist when needed to, but with no conditions and or expectations. It is not about wanting to control the person we are assisting by gaining power over him/her and therefore crossing the line by starting to organize his/her life as per our will. Doing so does takes away his/her freedom to be “Who she/he wants to be” imposing on her/his the burden of becoming “who we want him/her to be”. The end result: a very unhealthy relationship where dissatisfaction is what prevails in all the parties involved.

When the time to stop “lending a hand” arrives we are usually overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt and remorse, since this goes against what is believed to be the right thing to do. The sense of obligation is such that it takes a huge effort to say NO so as to let the other person take responsibility of her/his doings. Despite these contradictory feelings, we do need to face the reality and accept the fact that sometimes the best way to help is by not helping.
Helping someone by not helping does not imply ignoring the other person’s problem and letting him/her break into pieces while we go on with our own business. But sometimes we do need to accept that the best help we can offer to a specific person or situation is by letting things follow their course of action. We do need to admit that sometimes the person asking for help does need to hit the ground so as to be able to stand on their own, as this is what she/he really needs to experienced so as to be able to take control of his/her life.

We shall keep helping each other as much as we can, but we need to do so while remembering that they are not us and we are not them. We also need to keep in mind that people do need to take responsibilities for their actions, and that there are not victims or victimizers. Not helping as expected does not make as victimizers, and not getting what we want does not make us victims.

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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This week's Theme Thursday is "help" - I'm contributing with this old post (old but still very much current ;) )

Sam’s New Year Master Plan

November….


The end of the year is approaching and the time to write down his New Year’s resolution list has come. Ceremonially Sam gets his special paper, best pen and off he goes to sit on his desk to write it down. With precise detail and determination he effectively enumerates all the I WILLs and I WILL NOTs that will establish without possible doubts: Who he wants to be in New Year!

Sam’s New Year’s Master Plan – The New Me!

• I will live each moment as if it is the very last
• I will stop disliking myself, honoring who I am, despite my size and shape and I will eat healthy, exercise often, listening to my soul and body needs.
• I will look for a more satisfactory work, as money is not everything in life
• I will stop smoking and drinking
• I will leave all unhealthy relationships
• I will smile more, complain less and communicate more often with family and friends
• I will watch less TV so I can socialize with those around me
• I will only concentrate on the positive and embrace each challenge with determination
• I will work less hours and spend more time with my family
• I will love more, be more open and trust more
• I will save some money to travel around
• ……….

Sam finishes the list and with pride hangs it on the fridge so as to keep a constant reminder of the person he wants to become as soon as he kicks goodbye this year.


December…..

On the 31^st December, with emotion and determination Sam raises his glass free of fears while kissing goodbye the old year and the old Sam. He then welcomes with excitement his new life!


March….

Sam is awakened by the alarm clock, he is late for work again (after overstaying last night watching TV), in a hurry he dresses and runs to the fridge to get his usual breakfast (one diet coke and a chocolate bar). While opening the fridge’s door his New Year’s Master Plan falls, capturing his attention, Sam bends with effort (his big tummy is in the way) and collects it with extreme difficulty (in one hand he has the coke and the chocolate, and in the other one he is holding a cigarette). He then closes the fridge’s door using one of his feet while quickly checking the master plan; afterward with a sarcastic and bitter laugh he crumpled the list and throws it away.
He is laughing at himself for being so naïve and dreaming about changing anything of Who he is! There are things in life that can’t be changed and he is one of those lost cases… he does not have the power to transform Who he is. He has written the same dammed list for over ten years and so far he’s still in “square one”.
Writing down the plan is easy but making it a reality is where the challenge really lied. A very sad expression takes over his face while once again he recognizes the fact that if there are no changes in his life, it is because deep inside he is terrified of the unknown, of not knowing what to expect, or the probability of failing and realizing that after all, he is “good for nothing”. Hence, he rather stays where he is and follows the very wise advice of his grandma: “The devil you know is better that the angel you don’t know”.
So off he goes rushing towards the door, his routinely job and his dull life….

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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