Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tired of being alone...

The gun is in his hand, they are all looking at him, anxiously laughing... pretending, waiting to see if he will have the guts or not. He has nothing to lose and nothing to live for… he is by himself. But he’s still hesitating… The room smells of alcohol, drugs and smoke; some minutes ago everybody was sitting, relaxing and enjoying themselves. But it all abruptly changed when someone came up with the stupid idea of playing the “Russian Roulette” and then he, Richard foolishly decided to show off and proposed to go first! Why he has to?
All his life has been an emotional rollercoaster with more downs than ups; the drugs are the only friend he has in this life. When he is under the influence he is a “happy man”, transported to a world of unconsciousness and full of weird dreams, where he is the hero that saves them all!

He empties the glass of whisky at once; the alcohol burns his throat and warms up his body, reminding him he is still alive. That is something he has problems understanding! Why is God sparing him? What for? What will his mother say if he kills himself? Will she be sad or relieved? Annoyed with himself he tries to erase these thoughts. If he is going to die the last thing he wants to do is to spend the last minutes of his life thinking about that woman.
He is tired of being alone, of having nobody to relate to or a place to call home. He has been on the streets or living with friends since the age of twelve; from the very day his mother kicked him out of her life, the family and the house.

He is not afraid of the very high possibility of shooting himself as he is aware that sooner or later everybody is going to die. Besides he has faced death hundred times! Gradually a mischievous smile illuminates his face, he loves playing with people’s minds and feelings. He will really enjoy seeing the scared faces of all the fools that are sitting here with him. If he triggers the gun and the only bullet on it is not fired… then he will really cackle out and loud, as it will be their turn. He is sure they will all chicken out! But he will not allow them to do so… or maybe he will as this will ensure their highest respect for him, something he never had before.

Richard places the gun on his left temple, he looks at the others one by one, undressing their souls with a frizzing cold smile, and then he fires the gun…BANG!

He wakes up trying to figure out where the hell is he, took him a while to realize he is in hospital. Richard cannot contain his impulse to laugh and cry when he finally figures out that he shot himself…. and he is still alive!
Later on the nurse informed him that he was found lying on the streets and a Good Samaritan called for help. They immediately informed his mother about the incident. He has been in a comma for one week and so far nobody did visit or ask for his wellbeing. Richard thanks the nurse, then he pretends to fall asleep, he is crying deeply very deeply, he is tired, very tired of being alone… he never got the chance to know what to be loved is. Is this the reason why God is spearing his life?

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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Tazilinda said...

This is an amazing story, it really shows us that we can find love where we least expect it. I'm sure he never thought that good samaritan would practically save his life...
We so often fail to see God in our own family and friends....sometimes it takes a stranger to show us the hand of God.

I truly hope Richard turns his life around to more positive ways when he leaves the hospital.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Thank you Tazi,

as u said, Richard was given a hand by a stranger, maybe that was the sign he needed to understand that he can find love. It's up to him to take the new opportunity and turn his life around. We are the ultimate responsibles of whatever happens to us.

Bunda said...

After reading this story I was grateful for everyone in my life that has shown me love, even the tough kind :). This world is hard enough without being alone in it and feeling unloved or unlovable. This story reminded me that just one act of kindness on our part can save a person's life. There are different kinds of love out there and i hope everyone reading this story has experienced and shared one kind of it or another.

We can help stop the creation of more Richards out there in the big bad world.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Yes Bunda!!!!
we can help... we need to look beyond the surface, see the other side of the coin... as everyone, absolutely everyone is lovable.
Thank 4 d comment!