Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A cursed girl

The echo of her steps walking down the cold empty corridor resonates in her heart. She is defiantly looking up, portraying an image far away from what she is really feeling. After so many years she learned very well how to hide her emotions; only an attentive gaze into her eyes will be able to guess the troubled soul buried deep inside.

She reaches the treatment room and hesitates before knocking at the door, but then with a sudden decision she makes the call. The nurse that opens stares at her with a mix of concern and surprise while asking: “Are you on your own? She nods and walks into the room hardly controlling her emotions. She is then shown where to lie down and get ready for the procedure.

She knows this is the right thing to do and that there will not be any regrets later on. Loneliness has been her life companion. The abandonment she was continuously subjected to was covered up with expensive gifts, fancy trips around the world and anything else she wanted. However the only thing she really yearned for was out of reach. But then, life has provided her with a good substitute… sex!

In sex she found the gentle human touch, the desire and the communion of two bodies becoming one. The perfect alternative to any other relationship, where two souls reach each other just for a moment and then parting away without looking back. Freedom, lust, empathy and the sense of belonging…

She could never understand her parents’ rejection, their refusal to love her and their continue struggle to make her into what they wanted. Until the day they gave up and started focusing on the other siblings as they were not an aberration like her. She was sent abroad to study and was told to remain there for as long as she could, as they could not afford the shame of having to face their community and family. God has punished them with a homosexual daughter and nobody should know about it. Their family reputation has to be protected.

The doctor entering the room interrupts her tribulations, bringing her back to the present moment. He looks at her and coldly asks: “Have you thought about this carefully? Are you aware there is no turning back?

Becoming pregnant was something she could never imagine it will happen to her. She only tried sex with a man once, a sad attempt to fit into what was considered “normal”. But she totally despised it and became fully aware that was not who she was and that she was betraying and destroying herself.

How could she mother a child when she wasn’t capable of loving herself? As her mother said more than once: “God despises you, you must repent… you are cursed!” She will not subject an innocent to her inferno. How could she protect another human being when she is not able to protect herself?

With an unusual strength for a tender girl of her age, she answers: “Yes, I am!

© 2009 Gabriela Abalo – Author

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Sandra said...

realmente muy linda historia, y muy cierto a la vez porque son cosas que aun pasan en la relidad, gracias por compartir!!
Sandra Karina

Mero said...

very sad story, especially since it is so real in our society...

Gabriela Abalo said...

Muchas gracias Sandra. Esta historia me fue inspirada luego de leer un blog donde se discutía la homosexualidad y el ver a través de los comentarios como la mayoría de las personas piensan que el ser homosexual es una aberración... realmente muy triste. Por eso intente mostrar el otro lado de la moneda y las consecuencias de nuestra acciones.
Un abrazo

Gabriela Abalo said...

Dear Mero,

thank you for your comment. I agree with you, it is so sad and so real. That is why I wrote about it, I wanted to show the other side of the coin. What another human being goes through when he/she is "different" and the rest of the humanity does not embrace that.


Sherry said...

Dear Gabi,

It is so tragic, being rejected by her family and not learning to love herself and the "difference" and now she has to deal with her decision, which I am sure is not easy. I hope she finds the strength to overcome all of it. Thanks for your amazing stories that touch our hearts.


Gabriela Abalo said...

So sad indeed, but is up to us to make a difference by freeing ourselves from expectations or the need to criticize or reject anything that is not as per our beliefs. We shall embrace who we are and love others for who they are despite the differences.

Thank u dear Sherry for your continuous support

Cecilia said...

La historia me ha encantado, refleja una realidad terrible pero lo bueno es que en unas lineas lo engloba todo. Te hace a la idea perfectamente y te deja una desazon en el alma que solo quieres ir a esa pu#etera clinica y abrazarla y decirle que TU si que la quieres, como ella y punto.
Pues nada mas, un beso, Cecilia

Gabriela Abalo said...

Muchas gracias Ceci,

me voy contigo a la clínica y la abrazamos las dos. Precisamente esos sentimientos que tu tienes fue lo que quise transmitir al escribir la historia.

Un besote gordo.

Edward said...

sad story indeed, I think irrespective of the situations we find ourselves in we should learn tolerance and patience as opposed to rejection of those we consider doing stuff that is not "usual". That way we offer them with an opportunity to heal with time.
Unfortunately for this young lady, she might have to live with the consequences of her actions but still she deserves love and counseling to give her hope in life.

Gabriela Abalo said...

It’s is all about respecting others for who they are, remembering that they are not you and that they have a choice to be who they want to be.

Thank U Edu for your comment.