Wednesday, April 7, 2010

While I’m here!


When I’m gone, all that will be left behind will be memories, great, good and bad memories… but, just memories, kept and told by those remembering me.
The material world I fought so hard to build, upgrade and sustain will become an asset to be distributed among my relatives; some may go to charity while others may be sold to strangers. The minute I breathe my very last gulp of air, all the things I worry about will stop existing. The sorrows that keep me awake for several consecutive nights will vanish; my concerns on how the future will be will evaporate. The past that keeps hunting me down will fade away, my self-esteem issues will become nonsense, my insecurities and fears will dwindle as I become a collection of memories kept and told by others…

When I’m gone there will be no more opportunities waiting for me to take a risk, there will be no more chances to reinvent myself, there will be no time for regrets.
When I’m gone I will only be a tale being told every now and then. I will have no control over what will be remembered of me, or the way the anecdote is told. I can be remembered for how much or little I used to possess, the family and friends I left behind, how many languages and cultures I used to know, how short or tall I was. Some may probably remember my travels around the world and the great tales I used to tell. While others will chose to remember my attitude towards life and how much fun or not I used to be.
But, how much does all that really matter, if I will be gone and I will only be a memory in the mind of those who knew me?

When I’m gone I will only be a thought, a memory or a spark of light into someone life just for a while!
Should this bother me? Should I live my life pursuing materialism and power? Should I let the past spoil my life or the future distract me from living?
What is real and what is not?

Greed, supremacy, the past and the future are the demons that keep me away from who I really should be. They are the mirages that keep me unconscious and prisoner of an unreal world, in the belief that I can finally achieve immortality.

I want the freedom of the self back! I have to repossess what is really mine, I have to conquer captivity and grow to be adventurous, risk taker, tender, independent, rebel and crazy in love with life…

Then I come across the irony of it all, that despite my anger and anguish I’m the sole creator of the demons governing my life… I’m the one holding the key that unlocks my self-imposed imprisonment. I’m the one and only… yes I’m.

So... while I’m here I must do something, I should smash into pieces my own barriers, I must disregard the fears holding me back.
I have to stop behaving as if living is only breathing; I ought to stop living in such a limited way!


© 2010 Gabriela Abalo

20 comments:

Pattaya Girls said...

great pics on your blog, what camera and lenses do u use ?

Gabriela Abalo said...

Thank you for the compliments Pattaya.

Majority of the pictures on my blog where taken with a Canon 350D - as for the lenses, I like using my macro lens Sigma DG 70-300 mm

But now I’m experimenting with my new camera a Canon EOS 7D, which I’m using with the macro and a new lens EFS 18-135mm

I’m an “experimental-amateur-accidental photographer” trying to have fun with my camera and the things I see.

Glad to know you like the pics

loveNlight
Gabi

Anonymous said...

"so true, no-one will remember if you had alot of money or a great job. All they will remember is how you were with them."

Arzina

Kass said...

GABI - "How you are with me":
A constant reminder that I have value,
An encourager of my scattered talents,
An impetus to renew myself every day, no matter what,
The warmest, kindest, empathetic woman on the planet!

Jonas said...

This entry of yours, Gabi, resonated deep within me. I ponder much the same as I struggle to remind myself that I had better "get busy living."

Gabriela Abalo said...

Hi Arzina,
Thank you for commenting. I’m glad to c u back at the blog.
We can’t control what people will remember, but we can control what we do with our life right now… we should always keep that in mind and live with joy and contentment.

loveNlight
Gabi

Gabriela Abalo said...

Dear Kass,
You left me wordless, for the first time in a very long time I don’t know how to answer… I’m deeply touched!!

Thank you for your kindness and continuous support.

loveNlight

Gabi

Tag said...

"I have to conquer captivity and grow to be adventurous, risk taker, tender, independent, rebel and crazy in love with life…"

it surprises me that you see yourself without these attributes. You are a being of love and light. You display this with each comment. It's evident in your photography and especially of you with your family.
All we have is this moment. But you can rest assured you will be remembered with love.

Helen said...

This should be a 'must read' for everyone on Earth.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Jonas, I’m going through a major change in my life and that scares me a little… so I wrote the post to remind myself that I must keep “busy living” and scare the fears away, as they only are my very own imaginary demons.
We all struggle to stay aware and focus on what really mater, the distractions are many and it is easy to forget that.
We are the masters of our own life, our attitude determines how intense we live it.

Thanks for sharing your feelings.

loveNlight
Gabi

Gabriela Abalo said...

Tag,
It is always said that when you give you always receive – well you just demonstrated that to me right now with your comment. You gave me “loveNlight” and I thank you very much for that!

As I was telling Jonas I’m currently going through many changes and despite my freaky love for change I can’t evade being a bit scared. The tribulations going round my mind are many, so I need to get them out of my chest. Then I’m doing it the best way I know – “by writing about it and sharing it with others”.
I’m adventurous, risk taker, tender, independent, rebel and crazy in love with life, but sometimes I’m not…. these are the times I need to deeply breath in and out and remind myself that all I have is this moment.

loveNlight
Gabi

Gabriela Abalo said...

Welcome to the blog Helen and thank you very much for your cheering comment. Please feel welcome to share any of the posts on the blog.

loveNlight
Gabi

Bunda said...

This is so true Gabi! We've got to grab onto to living/life with both hands and take the ride of our lives!!! After all as someone once said "life is the journey not the destination"!

Gabriela Abalo said...

Thank you Bunda for stopping by.
So true life is about the journey!

loveNlight
Gabi

Elisabeth said...

Hi Gabriela, Kirk sent me here, inspired no doubt by your inspirational words and images. I look forward to seeing and reading more from your work.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Elisabeth, Welcome to Embracing who we are!
I'm very grateful to Kirk for promoting this blog, I'm very touched.
I’m looking forward to see you participating on the blog.

loveNlight
Gabi

Wine and Words said...

Thanks for stopping by my place Gabriela. This struggle is echoed continually. Some trying to live smaller, some wanting a larger purchase. Back and forth we go, and I wonder of contentment...what it must be like to not want more, or less, but just to be. And to that end I strive, not to strive. How crazy is that?

standing on my head said...

thank you for once again spreading the light of remembering who we truly are, in every moment. i've been through so many major transitions in the last 3-5 years, i've lost count. all we really have is the breath.

Gabriela Abalo said...

Wine&Words,

“what it must be like to not want more, or less, but just to be. And to that end I strive, not to strive. How crazy is that?”
That is precisely my continuous struggle too… finding a balance contentment, as the point isn’t to stop wanting more or less… the point is to just to fully enjoy what we really have: “now”… and that Now should be all what we crave for…

That isn’t crazy, that is just what it is supposed to be.

Thanks to you for stopping by my place. I will keep visiting yours.

loveNlight
Gabi

Gabriela Abalo said...

Standing,

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.” ~Ralph Ellison,

Ellison summarizes very well… we tend to forget that we are not here to search for who we are… we are here to “just be”

loveNlight
Gabi